To Leave Here
Day 1 I hate it here. Nobody else understands just how much it bothers me. Gazing out, the world has so much more to offer than this. I want to leave but Father won’t let me. I call him Father, but he’s more of a ruler than a Father. My friend and I always sneak out and taste what their world has to offer, but there’s no getting past the barrier between us and freedom. It’s still enough to see him, though. A person from the outside, his face beams in the golden sunlight. He’s seen me a few times and I just know he feels it too. If Father knew he’d blow his top, ha! He says I belong here and I’m not well. I don’t care - maybe I am but I don’t see how being in here helps that. I want nothing more but to shed this restrictive uniform and run free with the outsiders. With him. Day 2 Father doesn’t understand at all! I hate this stupid place and the burden it is to live here! He made some stupid worker monitor me because apparently there’s something wrong with me and they’re worried I’ll try to escape. Well, I’ll show him. I’m going to leave this place once and for all, even if it means giving everything to do so! All I need to do is to convince the witch to give me a potion to last the journey and run for it. She gets called a witch for giving "remedies" which ruin lives. There are stories her potions can sell a person’s soul and should always be refused. Apparently if you take them, you belong not to yourself but to her and her "remedies." That may be so, but I’ve got no other choice. Even I know that to stand a chance out there, I’ll still need them. Finally I’ll be free. Day 3 This morning I escaped! It’s hard to tell if I’m really scared or exhilarated, but I‘m loving it! I managed to get enough for three days if rationed carefully and taken at half-dose but that’s more than enough time. Finally I’ll be able to see him, touch him. The monitor Father put on me found me and went crazy, but after a little persuasion he felt sorry for me and let me stay until my medication runs out. He knows the struggles I’ve been through and understands I’ll probably have to be there the rest of my life after this. I promised to return to avoid getting him into trouble. All that matters now is meeting up with him. I know I’ll find him soon, and he’ll protect me. Day 4 I managed to meet my friend this morning and we talked through the barrier. Apparently things are hectic now that I’ve escaped as Father found out about my disappearance from the worker. I don’t really care about that, I never expected him to stay quiet, anyway. I found him! He’s everything I imagined and so much more. He even saw I was on the streets and took me in, but something’s wrong. It must be the remedy dose as I’m struggling to function properly. I’m slowly losing the ability to talk and think straight. For whatever reason, he seems distracted when I look at him, like he’s looking for somebody else. I don’t think he recognizes me as the person he once felt a spark by seeing and I don’t know how to show him I’m that girl. I feel like my brain is fighting itself and my world’s slowly distorting. Day 5 It’s been three days since I left home and I don’t think I can keep it up any longer. I’m losing grip of both him and sanity as my thoughts grow more abstract and he finds another girl. Leaving wasn’t the idea I’d hoped it would be and maybe I’m just not cut out for this world. I find it hard not to blame the witch, only giving me three days. He could’ve loved me if I only had more time and if that girl didn't show up. She was able to say the things I couldn’t, to express what I wanted to. She stole my voice and stole him from me! I think I’m just destined to belong to that witch and her stupid "remedies." Day 6 As a father and doctor, I always knew my daughter was special. As a child, she had the most amazing imagination and could think up the most amazing stories. As she grew older, she began to have wild delusions and hallucinations regarding the stories she’d make up which often got her into trouble. The stories which recurred most included her favorite mythical creature, a mermaid. Eventually they grew so strong she was admitted to hospital and I swore I’d watch over and protect her. After we went looking for her when she escaped from the hospital, she must have been in a delusional state, believing that her situation had her and everybody around her as characters in a story of mermaids she’d thought up to explain what was going on. After a huge struggle trying to take her back to the hospital, two male nurses ended up being shot and police quickly gathered, armed with guns. I was terrified and shouting, crazily. After another struggle with a nurse, a loud bang sounded and Ariel fell to the floor as I pushed myself up to her. She grew incredibly cold and I could see the fear in her eyes. On her deathbed, a young boy ran to her side and asked what had happened as I cried and roared. Her face began to turn grey as she looked up at the sky and reached out towards it. "P-part of…" she shivered. I imagined this was another part of her delusion. Unable to object to her in her dying moments, I smiled through my tears and told her she could be whatever she wanted to be and she could be free now. She clutched the confused boy's hand as she took her final breath and sunk into the happy ending she’d built for herself. Category:Theory Category:Diary/Journal Category:Mental Illness Category:Places